Why Rebelling Against Your Diet Can Be a Good Thing

We all know that feeling of rebelling against something we should do.

But why do we do it?

Let's look at one area where it’s common to rebel.

Following a Diet:

A specific diet is defined by a set of rules to follow that promises a pay off (lose weight, etc)

But our Diet doesn't happen in a vacuum, it's wrapped up in events, celebrations, hardships, stress, aka “life”.

So when “life happens” and are diets don’t theoretically allow for nuance (ex: low carb, specific calorie targets, etc), we get frustrated and rebel against them.

Rebellion is thus a symptom of forfeiting your personal choices, where you could  make trade-offs to fit a particular situation.

“Don’t tell me what to do or how to live!” , our teenager voice protest consciously or subconsciously.

But, what if we could see rebellion as a potential good thing?

As a truth about our nature.

The truth being that where we’re made for freedom.

That when we forfeit our personal choice for a set of rules, we rebel.

Now, if you personally chosen a strict diet, because you're a fitness competitor or your hobby is to get exotically lean, and you're ok with forfeiting experiences for your diet, thats different.

The point is making choices that align with what you value.

Rebelling is thus a sign that you haven’t truly done the work of aligning your choices up with your values.

That’s the deep and difficult work, and taking note of where and when you rebel might be the first step to freedom.

The DOUBLE DOWN

The 80/20 Rule, also known as Paretos law, says that for many outcomes, about 80% of the results comes from 20% of the causes.

The key to success in most endeavors is to find out what they call the “vital few”. The few things that make the largest impact.

Theres nothing more demotivating than inefficiency.

So when building a new skill or going somewhere you haven’t gone before, one of the most important questions might be, “what do I REALLY need to focus on?” Then Double Down on those.

A Quick thought on Writing, Fear, and Exercise

Seth Godin, a best selling author and creative genius, wrote

“There’s no such things as ‘writers block’, just people scared of bad writing. Do enough bad writing and some good writing is bound to show up.”

So the real thing holding back the writer from writing is fear.

Fear of being judged, fear of failure, etc

Can we apply this to exercise?

I think we can.

But it starts with showing up.

I'm Taking Guitar Lessons. Here Is 4 Things I've Learned That Relate To Becoming Fit

  1. Trust the process. This has an entirely new meaning to me. Success is delayed. Most of the time, you don’t get better in the moment, but sometime in the future. Accepting this concept of
    “delayed success” makes it easier to throw myself into the process, trusting that it will pay off some time later down the road. 

  2. Success is not linear. This is difficult to understand. It’s Human nature to think that practice=performance, or that A=B. If I put X amount of time in, i’ll yield X result. Sometimes it works like that, but most of the time it doesn't. James Clear, The author of Atomic Habits says “habits often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold and unlock a new level of performance.” He goes on to say that “In the early and middle stages of any quest, there is often a Valley of Disappointment.  You expect to make progress in a linear fashion and it’s frustrating how ineffective changes can seem during the first days, weeks, and even months. It doesn't feel like you are going anywhere. It’s a hallmark of any compounding process: the most powerful outcomes are DELAYED.”

  3. Get Real with yourself. Be honest with what your willing to give- having clear expectations increases autonomy and prevents the cycle of guilt or shame. At first, I was down on myself about not practicing enough. But after reflecting, practicing the guitar was third on my priority list behind my family and work. Accepting what place it had in my life, allowed me to have accurate expectations of progress. Adjusting my expectations prevented me from having a feeling of failure, which is a feeling that makes you want to quit.

  4.  The Basics are Boring. The way to Mastery is to become excellent at the basics. The only way, then, to get better is to accept that there will be bouts of mundane repitition. You must learn to be ok with, and even find joy, in doing the same thing over and over.  

AN INTUITIVE EATING APPROACH

Most of us know that emotions push us to eat. But lets quickly lay out an emotional landscape, in specific eating situation, so our options of how to handle the situation are clearly seen.

You come home from a long day of work, it’s Thursday night, and you just ate leftovers from the day before. You're satisfied, not overstuffed, and stopping now would nail your hunger. But your “sweet tooth” is starting grow. You have a craving that won’t seem to go away. 

So what do you do?

Here’s the first layer of Intuitive Eating options:

 Option #1- You satisfy the craving mindlessly

You eat fast and in front of the TV. Before you know it, you’ve had the entire pint and are completely stuffed

Option #2- You satisfy the craving mindfully

 You eat slowly and intentionally, getting every bit of satisfaction out of the dessert, and in most cases, you only need a few bites when you do this

But let's continue to play this out….

The craving comes back. Not every once in a while, but nearly every night. You eat till you’re satisfied, not full, but for some reason it’s just not enough. You continue to have this nagging sweet tooth, thats just seems difficult to satisfy. 

 Here is the second layer of intuitive eating options:

Option #1- You continue satisfying the craving mindfully and with food

On one hand, its satisfies a craving, but on the other hand it’s taking a toll on your desired weight 

Option #2- You get curious and investigate a possible deeper emotion that food may not be able to address

Thats where things can potentially get difficult. 

An option here is to adopt a framework, that Alcoholic’s Anonymous have used successful for over 50 years. You’ve probably heard of it, its called the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Lets break it down:

“….Accept the things I cannot change..”

Is this emotion something I have to shift my mindset around?

“…Courage to change the things I can…”

Is this emotion need to be addressed by a change in a part of my life?

“…Wisdom to know the difference…”

This blends in with the Final take-away. One thing worth noting here is to realize wisdom is acquired. Like any skill that is practiced, it grows. The more times you get curious and investigate your emotions, the better you get at adopting solutions that validate your emotions in a healthy way. 

Why We WANT To Feel Guilty

Weird headline for an article, I know, but when reaching our fitness goals, guilt plays a prominent role in the process. It usually goes like this: I want to achieve a specific goal, and in order to do that, I need to change these specific behaviors. But then, we fail, mess up, get off track, and guilt sets in. It’s something along the lines of, “I shouldn’t have done that thing, I need to try harder”. But the most important part about behavior change is how we deal with failure. The natural way to deal with failure is through guilt. And it’s important, because it reinforces the fact that we care.

But there’s , shall I say, more evolved way to deal with failure, and that’s with curiosity. Getting curious about why we failed is the crux of behavior change.

WHY? The big takeaway is this: when (not if) failure happens, replace guilt with curiosity and you’ll be able to identify the trigger that caused the failure to happen in the first place. If you can identify the trigger, you can disrupt the pattern of behavior and make different choices.

Try it and let me know how it goes.

How To Get "Fit" Without It Consuming Your Life

Somewhere along the way, fitness became something that you have to support, rather than something that supports your life.The trend lately is around orienting your life around fitness, rather than using fitness as a tool to support what you love most.

But does this help you create the life that you really want?

Fitness that is good for outside the gym, rather than just inside, takes a different approach.

For those just starting fitness, you’re probably turned off by the “all or nothing” message thats so prevalent.

But may feel like that's the only way because it’s the “best way” to get fit.

And if you’ve seen that message, weighed the tradeoffs, and chose nothing, I really don’t blame you.

For those that actually have careers, passions, and hobbies that give you purpose, why would you place training above those?

I think there’s a way to get in great shape, without making tradeoffs with the things that matter most to you. In fact, I think theres a way to get fit that improves every other aspect of your life. 

If your interested to hear more about this approach, send me a message here and I’d love to talk more about your specific goals, what matters most to you,  and how I can create plan that helps you achieve both.


How To Make your New Years Resolution Diet "Stick"

I love New Year's resolutions. Especially those that are centered around diets and eating cleaner.

But for those of you who are trying out a new diet (keto, intermittent fasting, carb cycling, etc.), remember that the most important part is to make it stick. I think everyone would agree to that, right?


So, how do you “make it stick”?

It depends on how your adhering to the diet in the first place. I see two main approaches people use:

  1. WILL POWER

  2. SKILL POWER

WILL POWER: This is the most common mindset around dieting. This approach sees adherence to a new diet or fitness program as the main fuel to keep it going. I’m either “on or off”. I’m either sticking to it or I’m failing.

SKILL POWER: This approach is less common. It looks to break down the diet into “skills” that can be developed. 

Example of dieting skills you can develop:

  • Eating to 80% full (understanding what this feels like)

  • Eating slowly

  • Getting protein in at every meal

  • Eating 5 servings of colorful fruits and vegetables per day

  • Adding 1 new healthy recipe to the repertoire every other week

  • Making smart carb choices


Bottom line: What you're left with when you're “off” of the diet is the most important part. If you're using only will power, you’ll eventually fall back to the same habits and skills that you started with. This makes sense because with the will power approach, you didn't develop anything that will “stick with you”. However, if you develop skills, then you create a new operating system that is always with you, whether you're motivated or not. 



How to Stay Consistent with Exercise

What workout is best?

What exercises burn the most fat?

What workout will build the most muscle?


All of these questions will lead you to become demotivated if it's where you start and finish.

They seem like great questions and a reasonable starting point.

So why can they end up demotivating you?

Because they treat exercise as a means to and end, rather than an end in itself.

 These questions must be coupled with a primary focus on what exercise gives you immediately; improvement of mood, increase of energy, stress relief, a sense of accomplishment, etc. 

Even the “best workout plan” won’t be motivating enough to make exercise a priority, because the benefits will take months and maybe even years to achieve.

So how do I stay motivated with my “best workout plan”?

Focus on the benefits you're receiving from it today.  

We’re wired for immediate gratification, so use that toward your advantage by making the immediate rewards(mood, energy, stress reduction, etc) the goal. 

If you do that, you have a better chance at staying consistent with that workout plan long enough to see the long term goals you had originally hoped to achieve. 


How To Exercise to Become "Fit"

Everywhere you go it seems there's a fitness guru telling you how to exercise.

Depending on the person, they all have different goals for you that they think you have to do in order for you to “live your best life”.

The reality is there are a million ways to exercise to become fit and healthier. Just like there’s not one universal diet that everyone should follow, there’s absolutely not one way to exercise.

And the reality is that sometimes we take the message out of context.

Let me give you a common example that you might hear,

“HIIT (high intensity interval training) is the best way to burn fat!”

Well, in a scientific lab, with all variables the same, does HIIT training burn more fat than steady state cardio? 

Yes.

But what all these claims don’t take into account is the individual preferences of each person.

And the bottomline is that to become fit, you have to consistently exercise. And to be consistent, you have to enjoy doing it.

So is HIIT training really the best way to burn fat?

Not if you don’t enjoy doing it.

In a world where everyone has an opinion of whats best for you, 

Your job is to take the time to explore ways of exercising that you actually like, and not blindly exercise in ways that someone told you “is best”.




Forget Willpower, Develop "Skill Power" For Change That Last

How we think about something determines how we react to it.

In terms of nutrition, some people have a very simplistic view.

You're either on (eating clean) or off.

So success is driven by how much will power I have in order to be “on”.

But a simplistic  “on or off” thought process never leads to lasting success because it doesn't address the actual behaviors that lead to being on or off.

This brings me to the monumental shift that must take place in order to make lasting changes.

You must look at nutrition as a practice.

Your practicing nutrition everyday, all day. 

This approach redefines success. 

There’s now no failure, just feedback that leads to learning.

And heres the biggest shift that comes with “practicing” nutrition.

You move to relying on “will power” to developing what I call “skill-power”.

And everyone knows that “will power” is fleeting, wears down, and drains us.

“Skill-power” is empowering, gives us control, and is transferable depending on the situation.

Whats an example of this?

—————————————————————————————-

You’re at a holiday party and there's an endless amount of food, especially sweets. 


Instead of trying to use will power to be “good” your practicing the skill of “eating slowly”.

You understand that the number one principal in weight management is how many calories your consuming, not necessary what your eating.

So you get truly enjoy your favorite foods, but savoring them, slowly, instead devouring them mindlessly.

You stay checked in, accumulating as much enjoyment possible out of your favorite foods, and stop before feeling stuffed.

——————————————————————————————

This example practicing “eating slowly” eliminates will power, because you're focused on developing Skills to takeover when will power wears then. 

If this is making sense, but you want a process to help you develop “skill power” instead of relying on “will power” click here.

How to Actually WANT To Workout

Everyone wants motivation to workout. But so many people are struggling to find it.

But the fact is, you make time for what you want to do. 

This can be a hard pill to swallow.

But I'm getting to the good news…..

If you lacking motivation, theres a good chance your idea of exercise is just not that appealing to you. 

And thats absolutely understandable!

Solution: try something else.

If you like it, you'll get motivation to do consistently, because we tend to want to do things we enjoy. 

If you don’t like it, ditch it, and try something else.

Now, I hear this all the time: “ But (riding a bike, taking a walk, stretching, exercise DVD, fill in any thing that the fitness world doesn’t glamorize to burn fat) doesn’t count!”

The reality is that it ALL COUNTS. 

So many people have a restrictive view of what counts as exercise and what doesn’t. 

This narrow view of exercise is going to lead you to doing something you

  1. don’t like in the first place

  2. burn out bc….you didn't like it in the first place

Bottom line, If you want motivation for exercise, do things you actually like and ditch the rest. 


Shake the Shoulds

“You should be able to REST in a deep squat”

“You should be leaner”

“You should do high intensity training to burn fat more efficiently” 


Everywhere you go, there’s a voice telling you what you should be doing.

Are they bad goals to try to attain?

Depends on why you're doing it.

Are you doing it because you think you should? 

or 

are you doing it because it’s actually something you want to do.

It’s simple…

What Matters to you is the ONLY thing that matters.


Start to Question Why you're doing something in the first place.


It turns out doing things you want to do increases your motivation to do it. 

Is there a health and fitness goal that means a lot to you?

Let me know, I’d love to help.

Meaning and Motivation

The precursor to achieving and sustaining any goal is understanding its meaning.

Does it mean something to you?

If it doesn’t, you won’t do what it takes to reach that goal. 

If it does, you will.

It’s proportional to struggle as well - If a goal means a lot, you’ll endure a lot to get it. If not, well you’ll quit early and often.

The problem is, we don’t dig deep enough into what a goal means to us, before we start pursuing it.

A good exercise I like to do is the 5 whys.

Ask yourself why you want do achieve that goal 5 different times, going deeper into your reasoning each time.

Heres an example.

Whats my goal?

I want get more fit and toned.

Why is this important to you?

Because I don’t like the way I look and feel.

Why is this important to you?

Because if I I look and feel better, I’ll be able to take my shirt off at the pool.

Why is this important to you?

Because if I look better, I’ll be able to feel better about myself.

Why is this important to you?

Because if I feel better about myself, I’m more confident and outgoing.

And lastly, why is that important to you?

If I’m more confident and outgoing, I’ll be able to get more out of life.

This is how I see it…

When our actions aren’t aligned with our values, we experience stress, anxiety, and lack of purpose.

And we must do some reflection on what truly matters to us if we want to know what we value.

That’s where the 5 whys can be helpful.

It can help clarify if we really value a goal, or not.

After doing it, you’ll either toss out the goal, realizing that there’s more important things you value (and want to pursue), OR you’ll be powerfully attached to why you're pursuing the goal in the first place. And cognitively attaching yourself to your why is directly related to the motivation you need to sustain you through the inevitable obstacles that you must overcome to be successful to achieve your goals.

Next time you want to pursue a health and fitness goal, try the 5 whys and see if it helps align your actions to what matters most to you.

The Titanic and Motivation

What part of the iceberg sunk the titanic?

The stuff that was underneath the surface.

The relationships we’re struggling with, the grief, the suppressed emotions we haven't dealt with.

This is what drags us down.

The bottom part is where the relationship to behaviors lie, and if you don’t address those, you’ll be influenced by factors that seem out of your control. 

And when it comes to exercise, our relationship and feelings surrounding it influence our experience with it. 

Michelle Segar PhD, a motivation scientist and author of the critically acclaimed book, “No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness”  explains that, “If our ultimate goal is to sustain a specific self-care behavior like physical activity across our lifetime, we need to understand our beliefs about that behavior, what it symbolizes to us, and especially how it contributes to the outcomes we want from it…”

The takeaway?

If you’re unmotivated to exercise, it’s probably worth getting out a piece of paper and writing out what feelings come up when you think about exercise.  

Once you do that, then maybe you'll be able to work past negative experiences, societal pressures, and anything else that be influencing your motivation for exercise. 

Sometimes, “noticing and naming” baggage associated with a behavior is enough to save, what may feel like, a sinking ship.

3 Things People Do To Achieve (and sustain) Their Fitness Goals

1. They exercise for the right reason

If exercise is a means to an end, it’s hardly ever sustainable. If you're so focused on your goal, that you lose sight of the benefits you're receiving today, you’ll inevitably burn out.

Try giving up the ecstasy of obtaining an outcome, and focus on the little joys you receive from the pursuit.

It’s hard to grasp, but we all know that the journey is where the joy is.  

2.  They actually enjoy the exercise they’re doing

If you would ask me, “what’s the best way to exercise?”

My initial answer would be, “what do you enjoy doing?” 

Too many people are exercising in ways they “should” vs in ways they actually want to.

The best exercise is the one you’ll do consistently, and the one you’ll do consistently is the one you enjoy doing.

3. They consistently give themselves permission

We all know you can’t “pour” from an empty cup, but it’s very difficult for a lot of people to give their self-care needs a priority in their lives.  

Despite the difficulty, if a new behavior is perceived as fuel for what matters most in our lives, then exercise changes from another thing on our “to do list” to a gift that fuels what matters most to us.

Why Goals Get In The Way

It seems counterintuitive. 

Shouldn't I focus more on my goal if I want to achieve it?

The latest in motivational research says we shouldn’t.

The reason lies in how we’re wired as humans. It turns out we’re hardwired to choose immediate gratification over longterm benefits.

And, of course, this directly applies to our exercise goals. 

Goals may get us started, but they don’t sustain us.

So instead of holding your goals with a “clinched fist” , loosen your grip and change your focus toward the benefits that you're receiving from exercise right now. 

Your goal may happen down the road, several months from now, but that distant outcome doesn't give us fuel for today.

Instead, hold your goal with a “loose fist” and keep your focus on the benefits you receive immediately: stress-relief, improved focus, elevated mood, increased confidence, all the happy brain chemicals being released, more energy, enjoyment from social interactions etc.